Three Steps in Making Lasting Changes
Crescent Beach, Surrey 09-06-2021 7:54pm
“We cannot become what we want by remaining what we are.”
People who know me well would agree that I go through changes a lot. Sometimes it’s my fitness habit, and sometime it’s my mindset.
In this blog post, I will decompose my method in being able to make changes in a (seemingly) effortless manner, and share with you my secret in how I am able to constantly undergo metamorphoses, and thus, constantly adjust my life to be in better alignment with my desired self.
Step One: Declutter your mind, your routine, and your life to make room for the new
Every time we want to make a change, the inherent reason is always due to a genuine dissatisfaction in some aspects of our current situation, whether it’d be adding a workout routine (dissatisfied with your current body and/or fitness level) or becoming a more productive person (dissatisfied with how much you can get done in one day).
I always say recognizing the problem is 90% of the process; because no matter what you wish to change, it is always important to be able to pin point what exactly in your current life is not longer serving you. For example, I have been working on my productivity level, and pinpointing what exactly is causing me to be unproductive was difficult! But eventually, I realized that it was because of my mindset — how I tend to focus too much on the burden (of working) itself, but less on how good it would make me feel once I am completed with the task; how I habitually seek instant gratification and purposefully ignore the anxious, unsettle emotions I feel when I procrastinate...
To get rid of the unwanted thing, it is crucial to practice inhibition. To continue with the productivity example, one can practice inhibition by stop procrastinating on some small tasks first; then slowly but steadily unwire the neural pathways that lead to procrastination, and at the same time, strengthen the ones that lead to heightened motivation and productivity.
To summarize, this first step is about observing the current situation/life, pinpointing the root cause of the undesirable outcome, and systematically desensitize or discard the unwanted pattern.
Step Two: Trial & error - what works for you and what doesn’t?
Now that we have made room in our life and our mind, we are ready to invite in the new desirable change.
At this stage, finding out what works for you and what doesn’t is the key. One will never know what works for them until they have tested it out themselves. However, It is very easy to get discouraged at this stage as we tend to give ourselves too much pressure on doing things right the first time. Making positive and lasting changes in life should be fun and exciting, and it certainly should not make you feel dreadful and stressed.
I personally like to write down the “new version” of myself or my lifestyle — what my routine would look like and what emotions I would feel (yes, manifesting the change). Then, I would implement this new routine for a few days while observing my emotions and feelings; observing what schedule/routine is attainable for me and what is not, and then, make small adjustments to my vision, until I find myself following through my vision with ease and comfort.
The key here is to make small changes (so that it can last), and slowly add more and more such small changes, until you feel satisfied with this new routine.
I find the trial and error phase very fun as I would always end up learning a few more things about myself along the way. Meanwhile, it is also important to remember that life is never ever about the end results, but rather, life is about the process and the journey. I would tell myself that it is okay to fail at a few attempts, because as long as I don’t decide to quit, it is never a failure but rather just an obstacle (because obstacle is the way). I would tell myself, as long as I continue my effort, I will soon be stepping into the newer, more desirable version of myself.
Remember to be kind to yourself and be your own cheerleader in life!
Step Three: Make it a routine, a system, and an effortless habit
Once you have found a way to integrate this desirable change into your everyday routine, the last piece of the puzzle is consistency. While study has found that it takes an average of 66 days to form a new habit, I find myself adopting new habits way easier and quicker if I had spent some time priming this change (step 1 and step 2), and if I had mentally prepared myself in terms of decluttering self-limiting thought patterns, such as “I always procrastinate,” “I am lazy and don’t like to exercise,” and etc.
It is our human nature to find changes somewhat… uncomfortable. From a survival stand point, we seek homeostasis and stability. But change is inevitable, change itself is the homeostasis state of our world and reality. As we learn and grow in life, we will inevitably find that certain habits of ours are no longer serving us like they used to. Thus, I hope to provide some helpful insights I gained along my journey of self-growth and self-improvement.
Remember — life is a journey of character building.
The secret in living a successful and fulfilling life is less about the external opportunities you encounter, but instead, more about your courage to face your weaknesses, your ability to build lasting strong characters (habits), and your persistence in challenging and going beyond your past self.
